all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
