We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
