dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
