I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
