It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
well you can't waste a boner
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
