I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You can't just leave with hair like that
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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