i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
