Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
