my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
