are you still at the devil's house?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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