haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
