Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
