dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
