I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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