Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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