Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
