I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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