At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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