Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
