Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
