what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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