You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
