New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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