I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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