I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
