Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
