so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
God I need to hump something, right now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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