Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
