Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
