Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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