Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
