Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
