my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
