i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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