Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
