i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
