I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
