Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
