five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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