??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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