So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Randomize
