We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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