theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
