No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
