I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my shit smells like andre
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
