Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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