He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
