well I can't set my house on fire every night
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
