he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
