I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
