I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
