She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
