I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize