She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
