if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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