turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
