at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
