I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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