I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this boner is exhausting
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
