If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
