She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
